6 WAYS LAKERS CAN SEPARATE THEMSELVES FROM CELTICS
1) HOME COOKING: Sleeping in their own beds, eating a home-cooked meal and most importantly playing at Staples Center makes a huge difference for the Lakers. The triangle offense flows more fluidly and our ball movement improves dramatically at home. Additionally, our bench mob (can we even call it a “bench mob” at this point?) plays much better at home. The Celtics had huge Game 4s from Big Baby and Nate Robinson on their home floor; it’s now the Lakers turn to get Lamar Odom and Jordan Farmar involved in the offense.
#2 QUEENSBRIDGE, SAY IT: Uh, how about we don’t and say we did? Both Ron Artest and Lamar Odom are doing their hometown no favors with their lackluster play in the 2010 NBA Finals. Honestly, Ron Ron looks completely lost on the court and Lamar looks, well, stoned. Even if we come back and win the championship, there’s a decent chance that one of these two knuckleheads gets traded in the off-season. In the meantime, I’ll be content with just 15 pts, 7 rebs from either one of them!
It's sad that THIS guy has more toughness in his pocket protector than most Lakers have period
3) PAIN IN THE LANE: Vic “the Brick” Jacobs coined this term, and he couldn’t be more right. The Lakers, especially Pau Gasol, Lamar Odom and Ron Artest, have been pushed around by Boston’s bigs. It’s crazy to think that the majority of our team’s toughness lies in the back court with Kobe and Fish, but it’s true. Next time Rajon Rondo or Paul Pierce drives to the lane, the Lakers need to make them pay with a hard, Kurt Rambis-style playoff foul. Nothing dirty, just let them know that we’re not fucking around. D.J. Mbenga has 6 fouls to waste, right? Let’s use ‘em!
4) LEAGUE REF-ERENDUM: I’m not a big NBA conspiracy theorist, but I do believe that the league really really wants this series to go 7 games. Frankly, we all kind of do (especially Lakers fans at this point). That said, the revenue the league will generate from a star-studded Lakers-Celtics Game 7 cannot be overlooked. While the game won’t be blatantly one-sided, I believe the referees will call this game very close and the Lakers will get to the free throw line a ton of times. Let’s hope they can actually hit them tonight (I’m talking to you Ron Ron).
5) “THIS IS 50″: Curtis Jackson, better known as rapper 50 Cent, took 9 bullets back in 2000 including 1 in the face. Talk about “Get Rich or Die Tryin’.” The Lakers needs to take a page out of 50′s playbook when it comes to what Doc Rivers and the Celtics call “50-50″ balls. Basically, any loose ball or hustle plays in which the more aggressive team usually gains possession. In Games 4 and 5, Boston destroyed the Lakers in this category as the diva-like boys from La La Land watched Green Leprechauns dive on the hardwood for every loose ball. Lamar, turn off 50′s “Candy Shop” and start bumpin’ “How We Do” so we can show these Celtic bastards what’s up.
Fuck Team Jacob, what about Team LA? Focus Lakers Fans!
#6 LOS LAKERS OR LOS LACKERS?: Sorry to burst your bubble Lakers fans, but Paul Pierce was sort of right. Yes, the die-hard Lakers fans like you and me would be rockin’ the Downtown Hoop Dojo, if it weren’t for those $500 nosebleeds. Alas, the true fans are watching the game tonight at home with friends or at a bar with co-workers. What we’re left with is the Chris Rocks and Leonardo DiCaprios of the world sitting at courtside checking their Twitter account and promoting their latest movie. Let’s hope Lakers Fans actually show up tonight. We need you!
FIRE UP LAKERS FANS!!! Put down the laptops, the cell phones, the iPod touches. Get your ass up off the couch, go get a beer, put on your cheesiest 80′s Purple & Gold getup and yell at the TV until your throat hurts.
GM 6 Final Score: LAKERS 98, CELTICS 91